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I woke up to the sound of dogs barking. Stretching, yawning and looking over at my husband made me wanna wake him up to walk the dog. Then I realized it was just the alarm on my cellphone sounding off. At 5am it still looked like night fall.
Wrapped in a blanket I sat at the edge of my bed looking out of the window. The house was cold and I could almost hear the wind howling. I was staring at the sky as it started to change colors. It was a beginning to a whole new day and the end of yesterday.
I remember hearing my mother's voice when I was a kid saying, "It's time to rise and shine." So I got up and started getting ready for work. Looking in the mirror before I left, my hair was a mess. Putting on weight I could barely fit into my scrubs. I was eating to feel good about myself. But I didn't realize how big I had gotten until I was busting out of my pants. Then I tried to hide it by using safety pins to hold them together. But when I got to work Yvonne Kelly had seen it. She started laughing and nodded her head to one of the housekeepers to get her to laugh, and she did.
I tried to make it seem like it didn't bother me, but I was hurt. It was so hard to love myself when I hated the way I looked. I went from being called glamour girl when I was young, to pretty girl by a coworker, then a monkey from "the planet of the apes" making me feel that I looked like an animal.